Past, Present or Future?
Which do you spend most time in?
Leaving aside the obvious philosophical musings about the present being an infinitesimal interface between past and future, and whether the present is nicely wrapped with a big bow, which tense makes you tense?
I try not to speculate too much about the future. OK so some basic plans are needful, both short term and long term, but nobody knows what might happen to change those plans. Especially when you have a medical condition that could get worse.
And especially at the moment, when the future is making me tense, the thought of returning to the thesis and plunging back in to the manic work of getting my upgrade… eek! Where’s the crochet? See, not ready to face that yet!
As for the past, when I’m working on the thesis, or even my novel, I spend lots of time in the Medieval past! But that wasn’t what I was thinking about when I began this post, so I shall try to stay on topic and avoid digressions, although I do tend to be a fan of digressions, they can be more interesting than the intended topic…
Anyway, the past, my own past, Memory Lane. It can be a fun place to visit, especially with friends and family, but it’s not somewhere I want to live. Not so much because some of the houses are dilapidated, ugly and falling down with rats, peeling paint and barbed wire across the door with warning signs on! More because some of them are superficially more attractive than the one at this end of the lane. As in, they don’t have arthritis in them, or I was in Norway or something lovely. But neither do they have Tim in them.
Plus, they are a bit musty and dusty, probably rusty and fusty too and any other usties you can think of…
I try to enjoy the present moment as much as possible. Some moments are harder to enjoy than others of course, and I have limited success at enjoying those. More to the point is to actively enjoy those good times. Tim seems to struggle with this, when we go out he tends to be always thinking about what we will do next rather than enjoying the thing we are doing at that time.
I like to linger, to notice the blossom, the funny shaped lichen, the changing patterns of rippling reflections on water. As a child I used to notice and enjoy the feeling of walking smoothly, or running. I still can when I’m not too painful. It’s weird, I used to think about that noticing of how good it felt to be able to walk and run, to wonder whether other people appreciated it as much as I did. I used to think that if I ever ended up a cripple at least I would be able to remember that I had appreciated it when I had it.
That seemed an odd thing to think, like tempting fate, and maybe it was, as here I am with arthritis… But I still think it’s better for me to have appreciated it while I had it than to have taken it for granted and never fully enjoyed it. And I do find it annoying when healthy people don’t appreciate what they have.
And I hugely appreciate that I can still get around on my own two feet, even if they do hurt.
Considering this, I wonder what reading counts as? Obviously it is being in the present, but not entirely my own present. I use reading novels as a form of escape. It is not my past, nor my future, but someone else’s, some fictional character. Or reading other blogs, a slice of someone else’s life, but real people.
I think this is good, to spend time out of your own head as it were. Especially if you need to escape from some boring situation like waiting, although crochet is good for that too. Better sometimes if you need to notice your name being called… I can get a bit absorbed in a novel 🙂
Of course the distant future, timeless eternity, would be the best, in heaven. No tenses and no feeling tense either! 😀
What about you? Pick a tense!