What is my Purpose?
Having paused my PhD and coming under increasing pressure (already, even though the pause doesn’t start officially until Tuesday) to use at least some of the time to improve my tidiness, I have been thinking about motivation and goals.
You could accuse me of procrastination. I’d not object too strenuously. But I do still have the Blah virus and I just don’t have the energy.
Anyway, you have to start somewhere and I have never cracked this one yet.
It’s good to know I’m not alone in my struggles. This afternoon I have read some of Susan the Life Coach’s blog, which is very interesting. As well as her recent fascinating posts about brains, I thought I’d check out some of the earlier posts, the first of which is about Purpose.
That made me think.
I’m still not sure what my Purpose is.
Other than to fulfil God’s will for my life, but that’s just another way of phrasing the question. I mean, there are some basic guidelines for all Christians, but was there some divine purpose I have been perfectly designed to fill? Something specific.
I keep coming back to this idea of a God-given Purpose, some divine perfect plan that I need to find.
Sometimes I think such plans are only for the few, like Paul, or Billy Graham or Mother Teresa. Or pastors and missionaries maybe. But not for ordinary pew-fillers.
I even wonder if it is a distraction from just getting on with things.
But God cares about the sparrows and knows how many hairs are on my head, surely He has made me in such a way, with particular talents and preferences, and challenges too, for a reason.
It need not be a prominent reason, although being a best-selling author would be nice 🙂
I have a destiny; God created me and called me. But why?
Just for my own salvation and for me to live a better life? I doubt that, as selfishness is not exactly encouraged in the Bible! Not that I’m not grateful for those things, and not at all that God expects obedience as the price, but more that when someone loves you and looks after you, you want to respond.
But it is not easy to figure out what that purpose should be. Especially with a disability and very little energy. As God has not healed me yet, whatever His plan is must be something I can do despite that.
He gave me the ability and desire to do more things than I now have energy for, and some of them I can no longer do at all. So I have to accept my limitations.
This pause from my research has given me time and reason to think and analyse. Maybe I do that too much. But there are changes I need to make to my life. I do not have the balance right.
The problem is that I just don’t have enough energy to be able to get the balance right and work on the thesis at the rate required to complete in time.
Is it right to focus on the thesis at the expense of all else? Or does something have to give? I wonder how often I can pause to give myself a breather? Hmm…
Wherever my destiny lies, everything I do, I strive to do for the glory of God. I just have to trust Him.
I’m getting very tired now and losing focus. I hope the end of this post makes sense!
Have you found your purpose? Any advice? 🙂