Pausing my life
Today I pressed Pause on my life. Or at least, on my PhD.
I now have a three month break.
I feel very mixed about this. Mostly relief, because it had to be done so I didn’t end up spiralling into the abyss of exhaustion and failure.
But it feels weird. I can now officially procrastinate without feeling guilty. Or at least, I shall be able to feel guilty for not doing other things, like tidying up.
The reason was a number of factors, which I have no wish to go into here and now, but the final straw was this Blah virus which has cost me the last couple of weeks work at a time when I just could not afford to lose a day, let alone a fortnight. My supervisor reckons there might actually be a Blah virus, as other people have had it and it lasts about 3 weeks, so I hope to feel better soon.
I plan to have a nice restful February 🙂 and catch up on some of those things which have been neglected of late, like tidying and practising my Norwegian. Then I really ought to ease myself back into some gentle studying, like reading Norges Innskrifter med de yngre Runer… (I prefer looking at the pictures)
Technically I am supposed to blog about outings or hobbies on a Friday. So today’s outing was a trip to uni for my supervision… I also had a coffee and a panini with my friends and visited the library to return a recalled book.
Taking this official break got me thinking about actually being able to pause life. Sometimes I really feel that would be nice. Time seems so inexorable.
Would it be a bit like Groundhog Day? I could use a break like that to improve my Norwegian, and Old Norse, and maybe read some books, but without being able to take notes that would be kind of annoying. I already have trouble remembering which book things came from.
Like the time I was convinced it was Nedkvitne who mentioned a certain bishop’s letter, and searched the book thoroughly for weeks before finally realising it was in Spurkland…
A pause where you were able to actually write stuff that stayed with you would be more useful. But then, wouldn’t that just be like life, but without the stress? Which I suppose must be actually what I want. But don’t we all?
It hit me today, the finiteness of my time. I have some things I want to do, mostly write. The thesis; a book on the subject of my thesis that real people might actually want to buy because it would be more readable and have pretty pictures (academic writing is not always fun to read… One day I might post a sample sentence of the worst offender I have found so far. Hmm, something to look forward to…); several novels; another book of poetry and poems… etc…
I’d also like to visit Scandinavia more, and see more of Britain. And make stuff while my hands still work, if it’s not too late already.
It should be possible, but not if I’m going to be this tired. I seriously have no energy at all. I got tired half way through my supervision and haven’t shaken it yet.
If I ran out of energy and could only do one thing, what would it be?
I hope that never happens! It’s a tough choice.
Then I remembered I don’t have to fret and get stressed over it. It’s not my plans I need to be concerned about, because in the grand scheme of things, they don’t actually matter. As long as I do God’s will, that is all I need to do. Anything else is just trimmings. A sprig of parsley.
So I’m going to just chill out and try to recover.
At least I’ve managed to do a proper blog post today and yesterday!
What about you? Ever felt like pausing? Or had a good pause? Or would you just get bored?